We all witness uncivilized behavior on a daily basis, whether on the highways, in gyms, offices, airports, or supermarkets. Is it getting worse and, if so, what has caused the rise in incivility?
I took my 14-year-old son to the airport to catch a flight (alone) to visit his older sister in Florida. Because of his age, I accompanied him through security to the gate. We got to the airport with time to spare and I suggested he get a sandwich so he wouldn't be hungry (always hungry) on the 3+ hour flight. He walked up to a sandwich counter, with no customers, and stood politely at the cash register. Two employees were working behind the counter finishing an order for someone standing off to one side. Along comes a 40-something man who picks up a pre-made sandwich and chips, squeezes in front of my son - actually brushing against him to push him back from the counter - and calls out can I get a large coke to go with these. One of the employees turned around and said, did you say a large coke?
This guy is the very reason I didn't want to send my son off at security - which is all that was required. I asked the guy, is there a reason you chose to butt in front of my son who was waiting to be served - do you have kids? He replied, well I was in a hurry and I thought he was just waiting - yes I have kids. I replied, well I hope when they travel alone they don't have to experience such rude behavior as yours! (I truly wanted to smack this guy up the side of the head - but chose the high road!) He just glared and walked away. The sad part of this story is that I doubt he would have done this to me or another adult, but had no problem muscling in on a defenseless kid.
There is an ancient Chinese proverb I practice, if you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
What I cited above is a trivial matter - though, when it's your child, it can make you very angry. I'm not even going down the path in this article of road rage, which kills thousands on our highways each year, or of text messaging where we recently read of a 19-year old driving a pickup crashing into the back of a tractor truck. This was the beginning of a chain collision, involving two school buses and killing two and injuring 38 other people. Investigators learned the driver (who was one of those killed) had sent 11 texts in the 11 minutes before the crash.
But let's look at the act of one United Airlines passenger who smacked a fellow flier over a seemingly innocuous but unwelcome seat recline. The Washington Post reported, Air Force fighter jets escorted the Ghana-bound United flight back to Washington Dulles International Airport after the fight broke out after takeoff Sunday night. â?¨Sources told the Washington Post that not long after departing the airport, a passenger lowered his seat into the space of a fellow passenger and a fight followed. A flight attendant and another passenger tried to break up the scuffle, the report said.â?¨ Airport police met the flight at Dulles and determined that charges were not warranted. The flight was delayed until later on Monday.
The United wide body jet with 144 passengers on board had to dump its fuel over the Atlantic, fighter jets were scrambled, all of these people lost a day of their travel plans let alone others scheduled for the next flights on this jet - because of the incivility of two people. Neither was charged for any crime (which makes you wonder if this encourages more uncivilized behavior), but think of the costs of dumping fuel (let alone the environmental damage), scrambling fighter jets, and disrupting air travel plans for hundreds of people.
There's also the Black Friday Wal-Mart incident where a woman used pepper-spray on fellow shoppers in her rush to get a "good deal" on a Xbox 360.
What's causing this incivility? Is it over crowded cities, malls, highways, and airports? Could it be technology has made us less personable and less able to work out differences - a theory published in several books recently? Or is it that we are becoming much more narcissistic and self-centered? I'm writing a book on this subject and I'd like to hear your thoughts and incidents of incivility you've witnessed or read about. Please contribute at http://theriseofincivility.blogspot.com/ Thank you in advance.
Richard S. Pearson is the Author of 5 Necessary Skills to Keep Your Career on Track 2nd Edition, available on Amazon. He has held vice-president positions with four multibillion dollar travel industry companies and three Internet early stage companies. He has a BA degree from Regis University in Organizational Development. His experience has given him a unique perspective on how to navigate the organizational structures of both large and small companies. He has hired and trained hundreds of employees from frontline salespeople to vice presidents, and coached many through their careers. He is currently working on facilitating the large increase of travel between the US and China, which is taking place. http://www.5necessaryskills.com/
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